I was given a body with limits. My body can only with hold a certain amount of normal day activities without retaliating in the only way it knows how to. I’m restricted in so many ways, chained down by pain and fatigue and sentenced to a life time of it.
The chains sometimes feel so heavy, breathing properly is difficult. Other days, the restraints of my illnesses are manageable, almost like I can swing them over my back and get on with my day. Other days, I’m lead into a sense of false hope and security, the chains are barely there, I feel free. No good day comes without 3 bad ones, it’s just how it is. I was given a body with limits.
Oh but my mind. I was given the mind of an explorer, an adventurer and a daredevil. My mind has no limits, a source of endless motivation and imagination, creativity and freedom. At heart, I want to climb, run, fly, ride, I want to be free. One with nature, nature with I. I want to climb the tallest mountains, run with the wind against my face. I want to explore the world, and appreciate every inch of beauty I come across. Grand or small. I’m an explorer at heart, yet my body has limits. It seems only unfair I was given the body of a dead person and the heart of a child. Unfair yet unchangeable.
I’d like to explore different cultures, and meet new people. I want to camp, make bonfires and dance around them with people I love. I want to sing, dance, party. I’d love to visit museums and embrace history. I’d like to eat in an American diner, I’d like to walk along the streets sheltered by trees. I want to be given endless energy, because hell would I make the most of it. I’d like to do something as simple as working behind a bar to pay for my own horses, and treat my parents because hell do they deserve it. There is so much I want out of life, yet I’m afraid I’ll be forever watching from the side lines.
That’s a huge fear of mine. Watching from the side-lines but never playing the game. It terrifies me, and I envy the people who take it for granted. I’m too familiar with the four walls of my bedroom for my own liking. Why should I be trapped within the small space I call my bedroom when there’s a whole world out there for me to discover?
I’d be grateful if I could simply go on a bike ride again, play with my brother and ride all day. I miss being normal, I miss having no limits and I miss the feeling of being free. Now, I dream. I dream about the things I want, and boy is it a tease.
But, one day I will do something great.
One day, and one day, I’ll turn around with a bag on my back, and car filled with loved ones, I’ll tilt my head to the side, crack a smile and I’ll say ‘Screw you body’.